Kiss Kiss

YAYY it feel so good to get it overwith:) sorry im so slowwwwwwwwwwwww>.<
VALENTINES DAYYY is comin up:/ sighh i hate ittt. it makes you feel obliged to do something special for that someone specialll...but what can i do? im not good with this stuffff~

SIGH FUCK CHEMM IMMA FAILL go to smccc: you just cant lie and take shortcuts in life can you..it all catches up and before you know it youre in a shithole for cheating life. ohwells~

WOOOOOO

Hmmm everythings going SO well! well, except maybe my grades? LOL anywayssssss~
Im starting to like you alot:] most people would laugh and scoff, but who are they to judge what i see in you? love is between 2 people and 2 people ONLY, and i guess, well, thats all that really matters, and if not, well, im sorry to say but youre simply not in love.

SIGH i wish there were more steps in relationships. the only thing i can think of is...hand,hug,kiss,boom,ring? In vague terms, those are the only actual steps... I really would kiss you.. but ehh i dont know how i would? should i just surprise you and plant one? should i look into your eyes right before i do? should i tell you to close your eyes? are you okay with me doing this?

sigh, why cant we just have lips on our hands? itd be so much easier that way :[

Spur of the moment

it was all nothing, now i see. I guess i was just happy because i havent been with anyone for so long. because i never felt the warmth of anothers hand, because i never felt the love of anothers heart, for so long.

But now that i look at it, i dont see anything. Youre this, and im that. i dont know what im doing. in a way, i like you too...but it feels half assed.. like a math problem with no work shown.

And now that i see all this, i really dont want to come off as a jerk and throw it all away. i wanna be able to tell you all this, let you feel what i feel, so that you dont hate me. But i dont know how..
im so full of shit. sorry.

regrets

Dont you hatem? when you say that one thing, that changes everything. When you make that one simple choice, and it turns into a disaster. it ruins everything you worked for and puts it all into dust, thin air. Nothings the same anymore. At least, for me it isnt... then again, i guess everything happens for a reason. Oh well..

i REALLY want a turtle now omgg i remember when i first had one i didnt care so much. but now i reallllyy want one. Id keep it in its little glass box and look at em and talk to em when im having a bad day. And all hed do is stare back and listen quietly. Heeheee :] i like turtles
oh and his name would be Gary ^^

It's not working out with us, is it? you and i both know it. its only a matter of which one of us is going to bring it up, and when. This train just isnt going anywhere....
accept it.

I cant take it anymore...

Sure, it seems like we're getting closer and whatnot...but at such a SLOWWW pace, literally snail status. im so afraid to grab your hand while we're walking side by side, im so afraid to hug you when youre sad, im so afraid to make a move. Why? because like you said, youre a slow person, and you find it hard enough to say those three words, let alone text them ...i i dont want to rush and scare you...but how slow can this possibly get? I feel like i should do SOMETHING, because i feel that you'll get bored of me if i dont, and im getting a little bored too, it feels like we're just awkward friends. But how can i? when you put up this freaking wall around you, when you put up this sign that says "im willing to be with you, but not willing to let you shower me with your love". So what is it that you want me to do? What is it that i can do? What is it that makes this different from being friends?

If love was a train ride, then this train has no tracks to ride along.

MONDAAYYYY

sighhhhhh its a fucken mondayyyyyy im so tired T.T its only 4th perioddddd ughh i need a time machinee. sighh and i was able to skip 2nd period when there was a FREAKING SUB WTH~ >:(
and report cards are almost due i gotta start workinn before its too lateeee.

it seems so...awkward. its not supposed to be like that. i know we see each other only once a week.. but it feels like nothings changed at all. its like im still your friend, and every time i bring up the notion of doing more, you push it away and say its okay, you say that its not what a relationships about....so wth is it about? its no harm in hanging out together alone, in fact, thats what we should be doing...but im so lost when you push it back... it makes me miss you alot, and it makes me feel like im stuck, in a way. whatever, i guess illl wait this out and see how it goes.

I guess im gettin better...hope it doesnt come up again o.O

whats wrong with me

today was a great day, till around lunchtime. my head started feeling heavy in the back and couldnt smile or talk at all, rather, i felt like going under my blanket and crying....WTF i dont get it. i get this random fucken mood drop like every other day. nothing bad happened at all and i wasnt even thinking of anything sad. it hurts all over in my head..
and im seriously considering well, could i be....?
i thought i was back in freshman year, but we were all so naive back then.. how bad could it get? ill just leave it alone and see what happens.

thanksgiving no school after tomorrow :]