regrets

Dont you hatem? when you say that one thing, that changes everything. When you make that one simple choice, and it turns into a disaster. it ruins everything you worked for and puts it all into dust, thin air. Nothings the same anymore. At least, for me it isnt... then again, i guess everything happens for a reason. Oh well..

i REALLY want a turtle now omgg i remember when i first had one i didnt care so much. but now i reallllyy want one. Id keep it in its little glass box and look at em and talk to em when im having a bad day. And all hed do is stare back and listen quietly. Heeheee :] i like turtles
oh and his name would be Gary ^^

It's not working out with us, is it? you and i both know it. its only a matter of which one of us is going to bring it up, and when. This train just isnt going anywhere....
accept it.

I cant take it anymore...

Sure, it seems like we're getting closer and whatnot...but at such a SLOWWW pace, literally snail status. im so afraid to grab your hand while we're walking side by side, im so afraid to hug you when youre sad, im so afraid to make a move. Why? because like you said, youre a slow person, and you find it hard enough to say those three words, let alone text them ...i i dont want to rush and scare you...but how slow can this possibly get? I feel like i should do SOMETHING, because i feel that you'll get bored of me if i dont, and im getting a little bored too, it feels like we're just awkward friends. But how can i? when you put up this freaking wall around you, when you put up this sign that says "im willing to be with you, but not willing to let you shower me with your love". So what is it that you want me to do? What is it that i can do? What is it that makes this different from being friends?

If love was a train ride, then this train has no tracks to ride along.

MONDAAYYYY

sighhhhhh its a fucken mondayyyyyy im so tired T.T its only 4th perioddddd ughh i need a time machinee. sighh and i was able to skip 2nd period when there was a FREAKING SUB WTH~ >:(
and report cards are almost due i gotta start workinn before its too lateeee.

it seems so...awkward. its not supposed to be like that. i know we see each other only once a week.. but it feels like nothings changed at all. its like im still your friend, and every time i bring up the notion of doing more, you push it away and say its okay, you say that its not what a relationships about....so wth is it about? its no harm in hanging out together alone, in fact, thats what we should be doing...but im so lost when you push it back... it makes me miss you alot, and it makes me feel like im stuck, in a way. whatever, i guess illl wait this out and see how it goes.

I guess im gettin better...hope it doesnt come up again o.O

whats wrong with me

today was a great day, till around lunchtime. my head started feeling heavy in the back and couldnt smile or talk at all, rather, i felt like going under my blanket and crying....WTF i dont get it. i get this random fucken mood drop like every other day. nothing bad happened at all and i wasnt even thinking of anything sad. it hurts all over in my head..
and im seriously considering well, could i be....?
i thought i was back in freshman year, but we were all so naive back then.. how bad could it get? ill just leave it alone and see what happens.

thanksgiving no school after tomorrow :]

Why

did you tell me? why now of all times? why over a text of all ways? why why why..
I dont know what to say... I dont feel what you feel for me, but at the same i time, i guess ill give this ride a go. I'm just giving this a try, if it doesnt work, im sorry you got hurt. If it does work, well.. good for us then right? again, im sorry in advance if it doesnt work out. Im just not feeling it. You werent exactly the girl on my mind. In fact, i had no one on my mind. But then again, youre a sweet person and so ill take a big jump for you.

They say we're all blind to love.

Am i making a mistake here? Am i seriously attempting to like you? Am i lying to myself? Am i doing this out of guilt? Whatever it is, i hope its for the best...

Doodle

Yeap, im in class just doodling on my teachers laptop.
doodledoodledoodle~~~~
bored as hell, stuck with all these ignorant black freshmans. All they do is complain about how hard it is when all they do is talk in class. They think theyre so fucking mature that they can argue with the teacher. I hope it strikes them back someday. If they actually saw how damn hard their parents work to put those overpriced shoes on them, maybe theyd actually pay some fucking atention in class.
Not that im so perfect either. Ive made my mistakes before, and i still do. and if i could, i wish i could pay every cent my parents have wasted on me.

Sigh, still bored as fuckkkkk~

Good Life

totally forgot i had a blogg haha~
ANYWAYS i just got this song "Good Life" by onerepublicc<3
love ittt for some reasonnn i dont know whyy it just cheers me up yaknow? was having a pretty bad time and soon as i turn this up i just turn the other cheek:]
ANYWAYSSS today was pretty funnn but i got boring after a bitt :[ I guess school is the place to be? ewww o.O

Sigh, seems like I never see something special when its right before my eyes. Maybe i see it, but i dont dare touch it because i think of the negatives.. But its not like life lasts forever right? so i guess i should go on ahead and hop on that train, regardless of where it takes me.

Lovestoned

WHY? WHY AM I THINKING OF HER?!!
WTFACK?!
I must be going desperate... i cant believe what im considering :[
its too dangerous, and im just freaking out over nothing...right?

"happy" halloween?

Where is the happy in my halloween? I cant believe my mom didnt let me go out today. Its not like im gonna go get some freakin drugged up candy or some shit. what kinda person do you think i am? im your damn son, give me some fucken trust.

Sigh, and then my friend called me up and told me to come to church. and well, my mom cant say no to church on any day^^ i didnt have much to do at home so i went~ it was pretty fucken tiring as hell, but at least i got to eat some tacos:]. and then again i forgot that i would see you there.. but nothing happened o.O Im glad you decided to take it back, or at least not mention it, or whatever. As long as you dont bring it up, i feel safe around you as a friend. but.. why were you so quiet? did you know that i knew? or were you having second thoughts? did i say something wrong? because of the fact that i know you like me, i feel so guilty for almost any of your problems...

well, thats my "happy" halloween-house arrest and love paranoia^^

oooh! almost forgot. some girl asked me for my number :] hee hee but i already sorta met her once before so nothing new:/

1st

I dont think I like you at all... I didnt think I was leading you on anywhere was I? how am I "different" from all the other guys? im NOT. im no different than anyone else. You're confused, please just accept that. You hardly know me, and you think you're crazy about me? just stop right there. i dont feel any vibes between you and me at all.. even if i did go out with you, you'd prolly only get less than half of me, because im not so "crazy" about you. And thats just stupid right? so just stop and think for a moment, before you hurt yourself. i dont wanna lose you as a friend, so just take back what you said..please.



Sigh, I know, I feel like a douchebag for blogging too. But who cares, nobodys gonna read this :]